Have you ever tried to hog-tie a greased pig mixed with an octopus hyped up on caffeine and 16 cups of coffee with the attitude of an angry bear with poison ivy on its butt rolling like an Alligator trying to kill prey? That's exactly what it's like to change Emily's diaper. Once her butt is exposed to air she immediately begins to roll like a starving Alligator. While she's rolling she is reaching with what seems like 8 arms to touch her dirty, unwiped butt. So, not only do you have to wipe her nasty butt, but also her nasty fingers before she gets them to her hair or face. She is a stinker. She doesn't walk. She doesn't talk. But, she is smarter than she lets on. To bribe her while attempting to change her diaper Laura and I purchased some M&M candy canes. We put them on her changing table, which is about 4 inches from her crib. I went into her room on Sunday to wake her up, but she was already awake. I found chocolate all over her clothes and her mouth looked like she'd been bobbing for apples in a mud pit. She can grow a better gotee than me. Anyways, I knew immediately that our little goat had eaten all of the M&Ms, however, I couldn't find the candy cane. I call her a goat because she also eats diaper wipes. I'm telling you, this kid is a definite stinker. We have to clear the area before we put her to sleep. We figured there were no more M&Ms and just to be sure we had our human candy vacuum cleaners Haley and Allie search under, over, around, and in the crib for candy. They found none. On Monday morning when we went in Emily had chocolate on her clothes and a smile on her face. We searched again, this time employing our parental instincts. Nothing! Being the intelligent, conniving kid she is, she didn't touch the chocolate again on Monday. This morning we went in to get Emily and again she had chocolate on her face along with a smile. Okay, I can walk, I can talk, and I wear underwear, but apparently my child is applying for a job with the CIA or FBI. She definitely has a hiding place that none of us can find. She loves it too. She thinks its funny. Not only that, but she loves to pick on her older sisters. Laura had some smarties candies at church on Sunday trying to bribe the kids to be reverent during Sacrament meeting and Emily pulled some more tricks out of her hat. She wet the candies with her spit just until they began to melt and then wiped them on Haley and Allie. She loved wiping them on Allie because she would scream during the middle of the meeting. She wiped candy all in Allie's hair. If we stopped Emily, she screamed. If we let her continue, Allie screamed. Checkmate! I boasted that Emily must have inherited all of her brains from me to which Laura replied, "She must have dear, I still have all of mine."
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
PopPop once told me that experience is the comb life gives you after you're bald.
Wear a smile: it increases your face value.
I think, therefore I am overqualified. Now, let me sleep.
Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here.
That is the same way she bites a grenade and pulls the pin before throwing it.
Testing . . . testing . . . 1 . . . 2 . . . 3. Uhm, I would like to make an announcement. Do not believe anything I haven't said. 
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